I am one month away from my 42nd birthday and one month away from making one of the most important decisions of my life. I am feeling pretty good about it. I have been giving my decision to be or not to be child-free much thought and contemplation. The first step toward finalizing my decision is to determine whether or not to proceed with egg or embryo donation and IVF. Years ago a friend of mine who was also struggling with infertility was trying to decide if IVF would be worth the financial and emotional risk. My advice to her was that if it is her dream to have a big family then it would be worth it. After all, what is the point of working so hard if not to seek the desires of your heart? Now faced with the same decision, I am choosing not to proceed with IVF. Coming to terms with infertility was a priority in my journey towards healing years ago. I had to accept that I was not going to have a biological child of my own since my ovaries could not produce eggs. It took years of grieving and then more grief from surprise and unexpected pregnancies against the odds to get through it but I did come to terms with it. I might not be a biological mother but I could still experience full term pregnancy if I had different eggs or embryos. I really wanted to know what it would be like to feel a baby move inside of me and to experience child birth. I wanted the attention and special treatment a woman receives when she is with child. I wanted the monthly pictures to post on Facebook as I reached the monthly milestones. However, I have seen the torment and agony women and families feel when they invest not only their money, but their heart and souls into IVF so that they can experience these very things, without having their dream come true. I know it does happen for many of them but I just don’t think I have the heart to experience another miscarriage, especially if I have invested so much. Some may think this is weak, but I see my decision as strong. I am strong enough to know myself and know my relationship. James feels the same way. His main concern is for my well being. He doesn’t want to see me suffer, or even take the risk of seeing me suffer. I appreciate that and I respect him for it. I am sad that I will never get to experience full term pregnancy but I have found peace with it. There are still other options to consider, but I know IVF will not be an option for me any longer. I am one step closer to my decision.
27 Feb
Posted by kerbey on February 27, 2013 at 8:10 pm
I am 41, I also have a James (my husband) who would like a child of his own, and we also have been unfortunate in conceiving in IUI, etc. I understand the heartbreak of miscarriage (although four is more pain than one woman should know) and I support what is obviously a difficult choice. I also will not do IVF. God bless your decision.
Posted by 2bornot2bchildfree on March 24, 2013 at 4:41 pm
Thank you for your support! Definitely not an easy decision to make and nice to know I am not alone. Best wishes to you and your husband, as well.